Just a Few Shoutouts to My Least Favorite Things

Literally:
Literally is only to be used when you want to emphasize the fact that what you are talking about, which is usually perceived as figurative, isn't. Stop using it wrong.

Internet Language:
EFF (excuse my Utahn) U

Whiteboard Erasers:
Why in the world, do whiteboard erasers always leave a little bit of black marker carcass behind no matter what I do. I. Don't. Get. It.

Rewinding Cassette Tapes:
I feel so old for being so young.

The Fact That We Don't Get Door Bell Ditchers Anymore:
My parents used to always say that if you didn't give them a reaction, they would leave you alone... I didn't want them to! It was and is a game for me to punish them in the cruelest way possible. Try to sneak around the house to get up behind em. Send my old dog on them (RIP...).

People Who Spill:
I work in fast food. People drop drinks, or food, its understandable. But when they don't tell us I just want to strangle them. (more creative... Dipping them in a tub of live electrical wires.) I "love" finding a big puddle of dried up soda after a big rush in the back, an hour old. And by love I of course mean hate. I do however find great joy when people Tell Us that they spilled. I want to give them free food. Too bad I can't....

I Broke My Moms Wall...

Yep. Smashed it to (figuratively tiny) pieces. To make things worse, I broke it on her (29th) birthday! I would feel a lot worse if she hadnt had the other 25 29th birthdays. Anyways, I'm sure you want to see a picture. Here ya go.

 I'm sure you thought I was going into some deep metaphor. But no, I actually broke my moms wall. Oh, how I broke it. Right.

I had just bought a new longboard (like whatup!) And I was trying to get a feel for it, so I don't crash and die in the road. (Just crash and die in the comfort of my own house) so I was pushing myself back and forth across my kitchen, seeing how fast I could push myself off.

So I may have leaned too far into my push on my counter, and when I fell backwards, my legs kicked the board out in front of me. Slammed right into the corner. 

Just a slight dent in the board though, which I thought was pretty impressive.

How to Kill a Human

To the Aliens,

How to kill Humans:

~We bleed. Use that to your advantage.

~Dragons

~Zombies

~Resurrect Dinosaurs

(Pretty Scary)

~Sharks

~Sharknado

~Poisonous Shrooms

~Spiders

~Robots

~Poison Tipped Combs

~Suffocation by Mattress

~Storm Troopers

~caffeine overdose

Some people want to see the world burn. You should be one of them.

You're Welcome.

Crayons

Why does Crayola (there are other crayon companies, but let's face it, crayola is what you think about when someone says crayons) have so many freaking colors. I'm sure they have a whole department who's job it is to come up with new color names. They obviously aren't doing their job right.

I found this link http://www.smosh.com/smosh-pit/articles/10-worst-crayola-crayon-colors that talks about the 10 worst crayon names.

Let me just talk about my favorites for a second.

...

Flesh? Why in the freaking world would you name a crayon Flesh... It says in the article that they later named it to peach (much more suitable for kids) because of parent complaints.

Purple mountain's majesty. I mean uh... Purple mountains' majesty. Or... Purple mountain majesty. They couldn't decide on the name so they made three names for one color. None of these names are correct to the song either! Why couldn't they just use the correct words from the song! Why not just name it purple mountain majesties? Was that too hard?

Alright, last one.

I like the name for this one. Macaroni and cheese. Except they couldn't decide on a spelling again. There are Six different spellings for this crayon. I mean how many different variations of and can you have? Is it N? Or &? Or -N-? I don't know! Why don't we just use them all! Why be a good company and make such hard and important decisions like what kind of and to use! Lets take the easy and less difficult and not hard and lazy and with less obstacles way out and just use all the names.

Freaking Crayola.

Spiders

There is a very fuzzy line between rational and irrational fears. Some people (in fact most people) have a rational fear of heights. I'm going to be talking about the irrational fear that the female members of family have.
Let's start with my sister. She lives in the basement of our house and consequently gets to find a lot of spiders. She doesn't kill spiders. She is completely afraid that they will somehow dodge the shoe and jump on her and bite her. This is somewhat rational in my eyes. However, my mom is on a whole new level.
My mom... I don't even know where to start. She can't stand even being in the same room as a spider. She has an amazing ability called spidar. She doesn't even have to look to see a spider. She has just pointed to the side of her directly at a spider before she even sees it on several occasions. It doesn't end there. Oh man it doesn't even come close to ending there. She is afraid that every spider she kills, another spider (most likely a relative) is going to try to come after her in revenge of the first spider. (Taken 2 anyone?) That they hold daily meetings on how best to kill and/or maim my mother. She has woken me up several times at 3 in the morning to have me kill a spider while my dad is out of town. Why is that even a thing!

So yeah, that's the first look into my family.